Glass Maze Every jumbled pile of person

Posts from November 2003

My New Blogging Technique is Unstoppable

My New Fighting Technique is Unstoppable is some of the weirdest, funniest shit I’ve ever seen on the web. It’s a comic strip composed entirely of bad powerpoint clipart, depicting karate people talking about kicking each other’s asses. Greatest Karate Master of All Time With a Brick Wall On His Head and Karate Snoopy are [...]


The Agony of Caulking

I sit gazing forlornly at the objects of my suffering: a tube of caulk, a big blue cylindrical caulk gun, and a flat, stiff, grout-assailing putty knife. They look back at me, wordlessly. In my bathroom, a shower stall waits. I sigh and reach for the caulk, but my hand comes up against some sort [...]


Random Column Sightings

Some really good columns out there today. Michael Kinsley takes on the notion that governers of smaller states (like, say, Vermont) are less qualified to be president than governers of larger states (like, say, inebriation). Krugman dissects the AARP’s decision to back the Rebublicans’ Medicare plan, and Cringely speculates on how Microsoft hopes to transcend [...]


Uncle Sassafras on Cavities

So I was lying on my back, agape, with various dental instruments crammed into my mouth, when my dentist paused, bent in closer and made that a scary little “huh” sound, the one that never means good things. Then he repositioned his mirror and took out a long hooked silvery tool that looked like the [...]


The Hippo/Moose Ass Munch Incident

Several adorable little animals adorn our small cubicle-space here at the Doodleplex Command auxiliary office. There’s a cute little Frankenstein with a crutch made out of masking tape; a floppy monkey with long arms and velcro palms; a small, life-like hippo with gaping jaws, and a soft moose wearing a football jersey. It’s all very [...]


Talk Talk Talk

I haven’t been watching much of the current Republican-engineered senatorial gabfest, but I’ve seen excerpts here and there, hilights of white men in suits standing in front of placards bearing misleading numbers in large fonts, arguing over whether the Democrats’ blockage of four judicial nominees constitutes an assault on the constitution, and whether the similar [...]


Click

I just finished the second draft of the Click story, and have posted a couple more fragments from it: a revision of the one I posted a couple of weeks ago (because the first version was horrible; first drafts should never see the light of day, they shrivel up like vampires and crumble into dust); [...]


The Plumber

I got two alarming letters in the mail the other day. The first was from the Lebanese Embassy, inviting me to attend a reception in DC. The other was from a Muslim charitable group. Normally, neither of these letters would have bothered me. They probably wouldn’t have interested me very much, either: I was born [...]


Nightmares and Salsa

I’ve discovered where nightmares come from. For the longest time, I thought they were created by some neglected god from an out-of-fashion pantheon, a Morpheus or a Hypnos or one of their lower-level factotums, dredging my memory and subconscious for fresh material to splice together in garish, monstrous dream pastiches. But I was wrong. The [...]


Gaiman

In the past couple of days, I’ve stumbled across of veritable cornucopia of Neil Gaiman goodness. For those of you who don’t know the name, Gaiman is a fantasy writer most famous for his Sandman series of comic books. He dabbles in lots of things, however, including novels (American Gods won the Hugo award a [...]


← Before