All In A Day’s Work

It’s got to be hard being a Senate Republican these days. You’ve basically spent the last six years keeping your country embroiled in a ruinous, pointless war, despoiling the environment, sanctioning torture, and installing the apparatus for a police state. You’ve been as evil as you can possibly be. You’ve reached the pinnacle of nasty. Where do you go from here?

Perhaps recognizing this, the Republican mean-machine went into overdrive yesterday, and blocked three bills that would have:

1. Granted congressional representation to the residents of Washington, DC — 600,000 taxpayers in the heart of the cradle of democracy who, as punishment for the sin of being mostly Democrats, will remain disenfranchised.
2. Restored basic habeas corpus rights to enemy combatants — where an “enemy combatant” is anyone our president decides is an enemy combatant.
3. Given our long-suffering troops more time off from their grueling tours in Iraq.

Not bad for a day’s work. On the agenda for next week:

1. Pass the McConnell-Brownback Baby-Eating Act of 2007.
2. Introduce a statute that mandates the issuance of tiny AK-47s to toddlers in all public schools.
3. Declare September 23rd National Puppy Clubbing Day.

You’ve got to hand it to these guys. They’re overachievers.