Glass Maze Every jumbled pile of person

Also, Simile of the Year

The winner of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, in which applicants compete to write the worst first sentence of novel:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

The award goes to Molly Ringle, an actual writer who writes actual, non-terrible, novels. Bravo.