Glass Maze Every jumbled pile of person

Banned

I just found out from my friend Z that his company’s content filters have started banning this blog. I wonder what I did to piss off the cyberprudes — to much cursing? Whining? Bush bashing? Goose slandering?

Whatever it is, it needs to stop. Pariahood is bad for my complexion. So, from now on, I’m going to keep the posts limited to a narrow set of acceptable topics:

1. Kittens. Cute widdle big-eyed cuddly kittens, blanketing the world in a furry carpet of soft mewling adorableness.
2. Sports. Not my area of expertise, admittedly, but I have a whole half year of mortifying, psychologically damaging high school soccer experience to draw from.¹
3. Celebrities. Pretty people. Fallen starlets. Incipient adulterers. Impossibly Attractive Actors Who Have Found Love Against All Odds.
4. Clothing Advice. Again, not something I know anything about, but, seriously, how hard can it be? Don’t wear white socks with black shoes. Don’t wear rainbow suspenders. When your girlfriend tells you that the wardrobe you carefully selected for the evening makes you look like a fucking doofus, then you look like a fucking doofus. Accept it, and move on.
5. Cooking. Another area of life for which I am wholly unprepared. But as my mother once said, there’s no cooking problem that can’t be solved with a microwave and mallet.²
6. Home Repair. I’ve become quite adept at changing lightbulbs over the years, a home repair task I succeed at almost 80% of the time. I am also quite good at boarding up the parts of the house that stop working.
7. Automobiles. Here’s what I know about cars: if you put your key in the slot and turn it, the car makes a big vroomy noise, at which point you can press one of the peddles to make it go. There’s another pedal to make it stop, and a big wheel that you can turn if you don’t want to go straight anymore. If any of these things stop working, you need to call someone.

And that’s about it. I’m expecting huge traffic increases as a result of this new policy, as well as sage nods of approval from all the content nannies. Let the capitulation begin!

The weekend…sweet time to catch up on my BLOG reading.

The inter-cops have locked down the content filters so tight that I couldn’t even test our internet based software. When I clicked on a link to view the metadata about an asset we processed, I was denied in the same way this BLOG was. So, now I am in the middle of the new process of having that URL added to the “do not block” list. In the mean time, I hope one of our financial wizards is computing how much this is costing the company in lost development and test time.

In a world where companies are relaxing at work policies with the realization that allowing people to get some personal items taken care of at work might cause them to actually stay longer, mine has chosen to tighten even more. Sounds about right for a large contractor, not sure why I am so surprised.