Lead Designer: [Holding up an iPod] Ok, so we want to make one of these.
Associate Designer: Embrace and extend one of these, you mean.
LD: Right, right. [Nods] Right. So are we done?
AD: Well, no. We have to design it.
LD: I thought we were embracing their design.
AD: No, Jobs has good lawyers. We need to do lots of extending.
LD: Right. Right. [Turns iPod around in his hands] VistaPod?
AD: More than the name.
LD: Right. Well, how about we make this scroll wheel thingy textured. With little bumps and shit. The TexturePod!
AD: No. We can’t use a scrollwheel. Apple has that patented. And we want to stay away from pod, if possible.
LD: [sighs] Tell me again why we don’t just buy the fuckers?
AD: Jobs won’t sell.
LD: Oh, good. I thought it was principles, or something.
AD: No. We haven’t embraced principles. How about we make the screen bigger?
LD: I like that! We’ll have a VistaPod Enterprise Edition with a big screen, a VistaPod Home Edition with a really small screen, a VistaPod Business Edition with a big screen, but only half of it works, a VistaPod Student Edition …
AD: We’re going to try to embrace simplicity for this one. Only one edition.
LD: [pauses] I don’t understand.
AD: Only one kind of VistaPod.
LD: Huh.
AD: And we can’t call it a VistaPod.
LD: Right.
AD: Right.
[uncomfortable silence]
LD: So how much did we offer Jobs?
AD: Lots. Ok, so a bigger screen. And let’s use buttons instead of the wheel.
LD: Right. Wheels are dumb anyway. You don’t type with wheels!
AD: Yeah. [pauses] You know that there’s not going to be any typing on this thing, right?
LD: [frowns] So how are they going to pick songs?
AD: Well, not by typing their names.
LD: So are all the songs going to be in the Start menu?
AD: [pauses] There’s not going to be a Start menu either.
LD: Oh.
AD: Have you even looked at an iPod before?
LD: Well … no. I was just going to hand one off to our Embrace and Extendgineers and tell them to make one.
AD: Well we can’t do that.
LD: Right. [pauses] So bigger screen, buttons. No Start Menu. No keyboard. No mouse?
AD: No mouse.
LD: No mouse. Ok. [thinks] I’ve got it.
AD: Alright.
LD: iPods come in a bunch of colors, right? White and black and blue and whatever, right?
AD: Right.
LD: Let’s come up with a color that no one’s ever used before.
AD: [sighs] That’s a start, I guess.
LD: Brown.
AD: Brown?
LD: Brown.
AD: Like a UPS truck?
LD: I was thinking more a carmel shit brown.
AD: A shit-colored MP3 player.
LD: Yeah. [smiles] Oh yeah.
AD: So you’re proposing a ShitPod.
LD: [frowns] I thought we couldn’t use pod.
AD: Why would anybody buy that?
LD: It’s reverse psychology. Everyone always says our stuff looks like shit, right? So what happens if we make something that actually does?
AD: [rubs temples] I don’t know.
LD: Then we get to say yeah it looks like shit! That’s the point!
AD:
LD: It’s countercultural! It’s bold!
AD:
LD: I feel like we’re having a moment here.
AD: Have you ever designed anything before?
LD: Also, let’s make it look like a brick. A sort of clunky brown brick with a big screen and buttons.
AD: A ShitBrickPod.
LD: Something like that. [claps hands] I think we’ve got it. We’ll get marketing to take pictures of teenagers laughing and partying and being cool while they’re listening to their ShitBrickPods. And we’ll call the campaign “Bringing the Ugly”.
AD: I don’t think that’s a great idea.
LD: Apple’s already done pretty, ok? They’ve already done elegant and well-designed. We need to go in a different direction.
AD: So you’re saying we need to boldly sell something ugly and poorly designed.
LD: Look, we’ve been doing it for the past fifteen years. Why stop now? What’s so special about the ShitBrickPod?
AD: I really don’t think …
LD: Ok, lunchtime! [stands up] That was fun. Let’s design something else tomorrow!
39 comments ↓
BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Hilarious. Seriously.
Brilliant!
I think I just forwarded this to everyone I know.
Best thing i have read all week… Funny suff..
Bravo. That is Pulizer Prize material.
That was hysterical! Off it goes to my Windoze buddies!
Well done! Very clever. I think I would even buy one now.
“Apple’s already done pretty, ok? They’ve already done elegant and well-designed. We need to go in a different direction.”
Its like you are psychic or something.
Yugo is to Car as Zune is to MP3 Player.
Fantastic. Hilarious. I love it.
hahaha excellent.
It’s 7:40am but this will be the funniest thing I read all day
Fantastic!
Heh heh, very funny and (I’m sure) uncanny in it’s accuracy
Freakin’ hilarious. :-)
I laughed so hard, I nearly Zuned myself.
“Extendgineer” is the best word I’ve heard all year. :-D
You made my day… I must have zuned myself… .
Great stuff. I’m all Zuned out by now.
What the hell is this “Jobs has good lawyers” crap? He’s been suing people unsuccessfully for years; Microsoft for stealing Windows, The Beatles’ record label, bloggers, AppleInsider.com. I think Apple’s won, like, two lawsuits. Ever.
Thanks for the laugh. Expect a note from Microsoft’s lawyers demanding to know how you bugged that meeting. ;-)
I’m literally laughing and clapping my hands… right now.
Well, a second ago. Before I started typing.
Good show, chap. Good show.
anybody remember windows 1.0?
LMFAO
This post is relly a funny one.
Here on this site http://www.zunecomplaints.net
also lots of these kind articles, very interesting
found these on flickr :) http://www.flickr.com/photos/23689754@N00/
Hilarious dude! :) forwarded it to a bunch of my Apple happy mates….(with a link to this website ofcourse;)
I’ve been wondering what to call that stuff in the bowl after a seriously bodashis poo poo…
This is Sooper Funny
This is turd shakingly funny.. thanks for the laughs. WELCOME TO THE SO..SHITTY. WELCOME TO THE SO..SHALLOW. WELCOME TO THE SO..SHABBY!
good site
fuck you
Wondering if Anonymous realized they wrote that on Valentine’s Day. Repressed desire from a Zune owner?
Multo minimume ve mia, go ojd patro supreniro komentofrazo? zhang jiang high tech pa
I tried to get ahold of the bastards over a week ago through their zune support center and recieved no response. Now when I called there phone # in the back of their booklet the warranty expired yesterday and they told me that there was no where that it could be sent to be repaired and the repair center for microsoft zune only fixes zunes under warranty. So I’m sitting here with a piece of shit zune that cannot be fixed. Fucking scammersoft does not deserve my business. FUCKING SCAMMERS
ya, that preety much describes their whole Zune campaign. i don’t know what they were thinking with creating something that can be described as a brown brick of shit. Funny dialogue, but you have to admit Zune is creating a better campaign for itself falling to a more artsy and psychotic realm that appeals to those anime infused sexually confused teens out there. but just like the war between Coke and Pepsi, Pepsi always falls at number 2. Sorry Zune even with your bigger brighter screen and wifi capability there’s no way to be number #1 in this town, but hey we do we have an opening for #2: Microsoft nice try but no reward.
This is the biggest paakit joke I read. keep paakiting
This is just super hilarious! Whenever I need a laugh I can come back to this post :)
brickshitpod?well surely anything is better than anything that have vista.i have windows vista and a shit works better than it. Nice joke man!very KRAZY!
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