Sarah Palin, answering a question on whether she thinks she’s qualified to be president:
And I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the elitism, the kind of a spinelessness that perhaps is made up for that with some kind of elite Ivy League education and a fact resume that’s based on anything [...]
I used to eat at the Cthulhu takeout joint down the street. The food was ok, but, honestly, I found the messages in their fortune cookies a little offputting. Some examples:
A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection, in the seething form of the worm god Rlim Shaikorth, who will [...]
The new OpenOfficeMouse has been generating a lot of buzz lately, mostly because of its proud array of buttons — 18 in all — and its built-in joystick:
Now, what can you do with 18 buttons, 52 commands, and a joystick? The answer is anything you like. The ability to assign application functions to [...]
“I will END you!” screamed Chainsaw Timmy.
Frank stopped whimpering, and his terrified gaze turned uncertain.
“End me?” he said.
“That’s right. End you!“
“You mean kill me?”
“Well … yeah.”
“Oh.”
There was an awkward pause.
“You know. End your life.”
“No, I get it. It’s just a little …”
“What?”
“I don’t know. Histrionic, maybe? Precious? Hackneyed? Something.”
Chainsaw Timmy turned off his chainsaw. [...]
I reached a kind of dire epiphany on Friday. I was at work, looking at my lunch — two taquitos, twin amalgams of fat and grease and starch rolled up in individual corn tortillas, sitting in a pool of their own fluids — when I realized that I’m slowly killing myself.
This wasn’t a new revelation, [...]
Here’s the songlist for VisiCalc, The Musical!:
A Forlorn Apple ][, I Oh Rows, Oh Columns, Oh Cells, Oh My! How Shall I Calculate My Love For Thee? 123, 123, Oh Lord Jesus, Lotus 123! Requiem For a Monochromatic Grid of Numbers Somewhere, Up in Heaven, There’s An Angel Who Can Add Really Fast
I think it’s going to be huge. For [...]
Although Ketchikan has a population of only 7368, it is the fifth largest city in Alaska1. This is partly due to the vast tracts of wilderness and icy waste that dominate the Alaskan landmass, but mostly due to the Alaskan state slogan: The State with a Billion Billion Cities.
Late Alaskan governor Mad Sparky McJuddnick instituted [...]
We didn’t get much time in Vancouver, alas. I’ve heard nothing but lovely things about this place, and it would have been very cool to actually meet all the excellent people I’ve been working with for the past year. But no. The imperatives of recreational travel mandate that we proceed directly from airport to dock, [...]
Canada: socialist outpost on the proud shores of Mother Capitalism.
We only spent two hours in Toronto, all of it in the airport, most of it in line at customs — but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from our president, it’s that all you need to do to understand something is look into its soul [...]
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