The winner of this year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, in which applicants compete to write the worst first sentence of novel: For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she [...]
My mom’s notebook has been running dog slow of late, so I logged onto it last night to troubleshoot. I used iChat’s remote screen sharing feature, which lets me control her computer and chat with her at the same time, all from the comfort of my own home. Now — one thing I like to [...]
I’m trying to write a bio for a short story I’ve got coming up, and am having the usual terrible time figuring out what to say. Here are some options: Lapsed Cannibal splits his time between working on his perpetual stillness machine and looking for the end of Pi — where, he is given to [...]
td { vertical-align: top; padding-left: 10px; padding-bottom: 5px;} I spent some time this evening watching iPad promotional videos, and came away seriously impressed with (a) Apple’s technical chops; (b) Apple’s design prowess; and (c) Apple’s hyperbole machine. That last in particular: nobody slings adjectives like Apple slings adjectives. Here’s a little sampling of some of [...]
Sarah Palin, answering a question on whether she thinks she’s qualified to be president: And I believe that what Americans are seeking is not the elitism, the kind of a spinelessness that perhaps is made up for that with some kind of elite Ivy League education and a fact resume that’s based on anything but [...]
I used to eat at the Cthulhu takeout joint down the street. The food was ok, but, honestly, I found the messages in their fortune cookies a little offputting. Some examples: A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection, in the seething form of the worm god Rlim Shaikorth, who will eat [...]
The new OpenOfficeMouse has been generating a lot of buzz lately, mostly because of its proud array of buttons — 18 in all — and its built-in joystick: Now, what can you do with 18 buttons, 52 commands, and a joystick? The answer is anything you like. The ability to assign application functions to both [...]
“I will END you!” screamed Chainsaw Timmy. Frank stopped whimpering, and his terrified gaze turned uncertain. “End me?” he said. “That’s right. End you!“ “You mean kill me?” “Well … yeah.” “Oh.” There was an awkward pause. “You know. End your life.” “No, I get it. It’s just a little …” “What?” “I don’t know. [...]
I reached a kind of dire epiphany on Friday. I was at work, looking at my lunch — two taquitos, twin amalgams of fat and grease and starch rolled up in individual corn tortillas, sitting in a pool of their own fluids — when I realized that I’m slowly killing myself. This wasn’t a new [...]
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