Condensed Confirmation Hearings
Glass Maze presents a condensed version of yesterday’s Supreme Court confirmation hearings:
Senator Joseph Biden (D): Good morning. Let’s get right into it. I’ll start by saying that bullshit bullshit bloviate bullshit abortion bullshit. But bloviate bullshit right to privacy bullshit bullshit blather bloviate. So, Judge Alito, I ask you: bloviate bloviate bullshit bloviate?
Judge Samuel Alito: I can’t answer that.
Biden: Bloviate! Bullshit blather bloviate bloviate!
Alito: Sorry. No.
Biden: Well, I must tell you, judge, I’m very disappointed that blah blah bloviate bullshit bullshit.
Alito: I cannot comment on your disappointment.
Biden: Thank you. No more questions.
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Senator Orin Hatch (R): Judge, I know you must be exhausted by now, after all these hours of brilliant brilliant testimony, but we have an important and solemn duty here today, and as much as I respect you and your record and your flawless integrity and your lovely family and your honesty and everything else about you, I just can’t pull any punches today. I hope you don’t mind.
Alito: No. I do not mind.
Hatch: Good. Now, Judge Alito, is it your opinion, as a seasoned and brilliant member of the judiciary, as a smart and moderate judge in the mainstream of American thought, that it’s wrong to murder people?
Alito: Yes. It is wrong to murder people.
Hatch: Thank you, sir. I must say I admire your effortless grasp of constitutional principle in this matter. Now, let me ask you: do you think it’s wrong to steal candy from small children?
Altio: Yes. That is also wrong.
Hatch: A bedrock constitutional principle, that. Thank you. Now, one last question, and I’ll let you go. How is that chair you’re sitting in? Is it comfortable? It doesn’t look comfortable.
Alito: No. It is not comfortable.
Hatch: Thank you for you honesty, Judge Alito. That’s the kind of straightforward talk that’s so lacking in Washington these days. No further questions.
Glass Maze: watching the Senate go through the motions so you don’t have to.
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Update: EJ Dionne says it much better.
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