Doodleplex Goes Into Denial

In an early episode of the original Star Trek TV series, Captain Pike (Kirk’s predecessor) is crippled by a horrible injury, and confined to a wheelchair and a lifetime of pain and debility. All ends well, however, as Pike is placed into a permanent dream state, and lives out the rest of his life in a virtual reality in which he is a healthy, robust, uninjured man.

After last night’s election results, that sounds pretty damn good to Doodleplex Command, whose occupants are crushed beyond any hope of recovery. The nightmare has happened. Again. And so, instead of drawing upon our reserves of strength, gritting our teeth, squaring our jaw, and persevering in the face of adversity, we have decided to retreat into our own virtual reality, in which John Kerry won the election, narrowly, and will in two months time replace Bush and his vile minions in the White House.

We will cling stubbornly to this delusion, and any attempts to separate us from it will be met with incredulity, incomprehension, and, eventually, irritation. So don’t try it. We will be resolute in our weak-kneed retreat from the truth.

Goodbye real world.

[Activate Denial Mode]

Woohooo!!!! Two years of biting our nails and hoping and praying have finally paid off!! John Kerry is going to be the best president ever, he’s going to wage a real war on terror, based not on ideology but on facts, prudence, and wisdom. He’s going to create a real health care system, renew reasonable environmental policies, and repair relations with the rest of the world. He’s going to exercise true compassion, not the rhetorical kind that Bush uses to get elected.

We won, baby! We won!!!!