Glass Maze Every jumbled pile of person

Epidapheles and the Insufficiently Affectionate Ocelot

I’m thrilled to say that I have a story in the latest issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction. It’s called Epidapheles and the Insufficiently Affectionate Ocelot, and it recounts the adventures of the decrepit wizard Epidapheles and his familiar, an invisible sentient chair named Door, in their quest to save a kingdom whose regent has fallen victim to an unhealthy fixation with his pet ocelot.

This is my third Epidapheles story. I started writing these things a long time ago, and they tend to arrive at the blistering pace of one every two years. The installment right before this one appeared, very unexpectedly, around the fifth week of Clarion, muscling aside a terrible case of writer’s block and introducing me to a valuable writerly strategy: jot down the most ridiculous title you can think of, and then write a story under it. It’s not a technique I’ve seen recommended in many writing books, which tend to emphasize things like “character development” and “plot structure” and “emotional honesty”, or whatever. I think ridiculous-title-based story construction is the wave of the future.

F&SF was the first magazine I ever submitted anything to, way back in the dark ages of 2003. Gordon van Gelder, the editor, sent me a very nice note explaining why that story wasn’t ready for prime time. It was my first real rejection, and I remember being very grateful to him for softening the blow.

It’s seven years later now, and I find myself grateful all over again.

Way to go!

That’s terrific, Ramsey. I remember reading E & the Insufficiently Enraged Demon at Clarion and loving it… and you said then that you had another story with the same character. So I shall be very pleased to read about the not-loving-enough ocelot. Congrats!

Way to go Ramsey! I love that Clarion story — thrilled that you have more of these! Where’s the first?

Thanks guys. I’m pretty excited.

Shweta — I haven’t actually looked at the very first one in years. Should probably unearth it and see what time has wrought. :)

Excellent work. I just finished reading it and I enjoyed it so much I’m eager to know where I can find the other Epidapheles tales.

Ramsey, you are totally my hero. I especially love the spot-on writing advice. I once created a database app that spit out random Amphigorey-style titles, like “The Tainted Sofa” or “The Forlorn Cupcake”. It was great fun.

Sam – Thanks very much for the kind words. There aren’t any more out there yet, but hopefully will be soon.

Justin – that’s brilliant! I really love that idea.

It kind of sucks that we have to trick our subconscious into giving up the goods this way, doesn’t it? Seems like there ought to be a more efficient methodology.

Awesome news. I’m gonna go out and get me some Ramsey flavoured F&SF!

That was an amazing story! I haven’t laughed that hard in a LONG time.. I really look forward to another of those! Seriously, if you were to write a book I would absolutely have to purchase it!

:) Thanks Lisa.

I am so pleased! I loved the Epidapheles story we workshopped in our Clarion week, and am delighted that you get to share him now with the world. Congratulations.

Awesome, thanks Ellen! So glad you liked that story.