Fantasy Football

Fantasy football is the perfect game for a country that worships at the feet of capitalism. This is my second year participating in a fantasy league, and I’ve found that it’s completely changed the way I watch football.

A word of explanation: when you become an “owner” in a fantasy football league, you assemble your own team from existing players all over the league before the season starts. Then, every week, the performance of each of your players is evaluated on a point system. For example, a quarterback may get 5 points for every touchdown he throws, 6 points for every touchdown he runs in himself, and 3 points for every twenty passing yards. Something like that. Then, after the last game of the week, all your players’ points are tallied, and the total is compared to your opponent’s total. More points wins.

Anyway. Ever since I started doing this, I find that I don’t see a football team as a team anymore, but more a collection of individual players who just happen to be lining up in the same formation every play. My wife came downstairs during the game between Miami and Denver last night, and asked who I was rooting for. I said the Dolphins kicker. He was the only player in that game who I had on my team, and — therefore — the only player that mattered. I found myself in the strange position of willing the Dolphins to succeed until they got to their opponent’s 30-yard line; at which point I promptly switched allegiances and started rooting for the Broncos to stop them and force a field goal attempt; at which point I switched back to the Dolphins and started praying that Mare would kick it through the uprights. That’s three points for the Dolphins, sure, but — far more importantly — that’s three points for me.

Ick. Whatever happened to team loyalty? Whatever happened to team sprit? Whatever happened to the good of the many superceding the good of the few? The same thing that always happens to those outdated modes of thought — they got squashed by the steamroller of expediency and self-interest. Capitalism succeeds because it dispenses with all those pansy-ass notions of social responsibility and concern for the common good and focuses instead on the welfare and the success of the individual, to the exclusion of all else. Society is a construct that revolves around me and my needs, god damn it. Selfishness is a virtue! Ayn Rand lives!

I’ve about used up my quota of exclamation points for this year, so I guess I’ll have to stop there. Go Dolphins.

Kicker.