I’d Like to Grapple-Turn That Vampiric Ooze, Please

The 4th Edition of Dungeons and Dragons is coming out next year, and the geek community is all atwitter with anticipation, derision, or complete ambivalence. I’m with the breathless anticipation crowd, in no small measure because some of the rules in the current edition are really kind of broken — not mechanically broken, just monstrously unpleasant to play. Things like grappling and detecting magic and turning undead — stuff that’s so ridiculously complex that most rightminded players avoid them whenever possible.

But not all players, alas. There are some who insist on grappling everything, or knowing exactly what schools of magic are emanating from every faintly enchanted bauble they come across, or turning every zombie cockroach that skitters across their path. These players are the bane of DMs everywhere.

You kind of have to humor them, of course. But that doesn’t mean you can’t dream:

Or:

Or: