Spam Spam Spam Female Viagra Spam

This poor blog has recently been beset by a veritable locust plague of comment spam, all from one company that’s apparently hawking cut-rate pharmaceuticals. I was just about to go in and delete them all when I paused to actually read the stuff they were posting. Here’s the first note I saw:

In a fog-enshrouded age like the eighteenth century it was all-inclusive for a man of learning to talk about effective ultram and out scenes under a Congo moon.

Huh. So what the fuck is that all about? Ultram is a pain reliever, I think, but the rest of this is just pure, beautiful, gibberish. Here’s another one:

It doubtless matched as food the well-armed fish, bats and nexium of the cave, as well as some of the bourgeois fish that are wafted in at every freshet of Green River, which communicates in some occult manner with the viagra of the cave.

Cool. I did a little bit of research, and it turns out that these nefarious characters are trying to wriggle their way through Bayesian spam filters, which use fairly sophisticated statistical methods to detect the stock phrases one usually finds in notes like this; the spammers have devised techniques to string together a series of non sequiturs that, though meaningless in and of themselves, are able to fool the filters. It’s evil, but I must say I’m very happy with the results. One more:

Then I thrust with a start that, even should I succeed in felling my antagonist, I should never behold its form, as my torch had long since been carrier-current, and I was entirely padded with female viagra.

That’s just brilliant. It should win some sort of nonsense award.

My suspicion is that these guys have hired that troupe of million monkeys we’ve been hearing about for so long, the ones tapping randomly at typewriters with the expectation of one day producing an exact replica of Shakespeare’s entire oeuvre. The great insight of these viagra merchants is that the chaff these monkeys are producing in the pursuit of their quest is actually worth something. I’m sure the monkeys are quite pleased. I’d be.