The House of Representatives, in its appointed role as Protector of Decency, Goodness and Morality, is considering a bill that would further clarify the ban on the use of the Seven Deadly Words and Phrases on broadcasts in this country. It is only a matter of time before these bans are extended to the blogosphere, so I thought I should warn my fellow scribblers that, henceforth, they should avoid the following words and phrases:
- shit
- piss
- fuck
- cunt
- asshole
- cock sucker
- mother fucker
Nor should they combine these filthy utterances into any compound words, such as cock-asshole, or shit-piss, or cock-sucker-cunt-piss-fuck-mother-fucker. Nor should they use them in their palindromatic form (no tihs, no ssip, no rehtom rekcuf), or attempt to sneak them past the censors by means of clever scrambulation (no nuct, no kcco eksruc ), or use any words that may be mistaken for them, such as bass hole, or sheet, or priss, or clock stucker.
Doodleplex will, of course, scrupulously adhere to these newly clarified rules, which is to say it will not use the words shit, piss, fuck, cunt, asshole, cock sucker, or mother fucker in any of its posts. To reiterate, the words shit, piss, fuck, cunt, asshole, cock sucker and mother fucker will no longer be used on this blog. So if for example, I wanted to say, hey, that guy is a shit piss fuck cock sucker mother fucker, I wouldn’t, because the words shit, piss, fuck, cock sucker, and mother fucker are not allowed, nor are cunt and asshole.
So you ask, what if you’d spent the day sucking on a male chicken, and you wanted to tell everyone about your cock sucking experience? Well, you wouldn’t. And you should stop sucking on male chickens, because that’s just weird, and probably very unhealthy.
In fact, it would be best if bloggers constrained themselves, wherever possible, to the following Officially Sanctioned Morally Unreprehensible Words, which will be provided by a future House bill, currently being formulated in committee:
- Church
- Good
- Fig
- The, A, An
- Night
- Promulgate
- Duck
More words are being considered for this list, of course, but it’s a long, painstaking process, as moral reprehensibility can hide in even the most innocent of words. In the meantime, then, you’re better off confining yourself to language your government deems safe.
3 comments ↓
you forgot to list “nazis” as one of the acceptable words
fuck censorship flood those shithead cocksucking motherfuckers with so much censored material their little tiny cretin heads explode.
seeing those words ennumerated in an official document is funny as shit, motherfucker. although i’m a little confused as to why piss is not okay, but ass is. i think they should be a little bit more specific, since when people are saying ass they are more than likely not referring to donkeys. they are referring to asses, as in tits and ass. there should be corollaries for context if they really want to be efficient about it.
that was a fucking hilarious post.
i will have a picture of someone sucking a male chicken in my head the next time i hear someone say ‘cocksucker’.
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