The Revenge of the Sith

I saw Revenge of the Sith on Friday. It’s been getting glowing reviews, so I went in with very high hopes; hopes that were dashed against the sharp, pointy rocks of cinematic suckitude. This is not a good movie.

Even the film’s inexplicably numerous fans admit that the script is a disaster. George Lucas isn’t just a bad writer. He transcends badness, redefines it. He’s the dark prince of bad writing. He’s Darth Badwriter. If the quality scale was circular, he would have wrapped around past good back to bad several times over by now. But it’s not circular; it’s a straight line that stretches out into infinity. And Lucas just got there.

Perhaps you think I’m overstating this, but, really, there’s no way to overstate it. Everything — from Obi Wan’s flat humorless levity, to Yoda’s persistent, senseless inversions, to the recycled melodramatic tropes (”Nooooooooo!!!!”), to the “love scenes” between Anakin and Padmé — is nearly unbearable.

Actually, the love scenes are unbearable. They go something like this:

Padmé: I love you.

Anakin: I love you more.

Padmé: No, I love you more.

Anakin: But how can you love me more when I just told you I love you more?

Padmé: Because my more is more than your more, my love.

Anakin: [eyes turning red] Kill all Jedis! Kill everyone!!!!

Padmé:

Anakin: I love you more infinity.

The real tragedy here is that this is a great story. Honestly, I didn’t expect much out of the prequels at all, but Lucas really has crafted a complete history here, a consistent and believable world: the story of how a pseudo-religious order can grow weak and complacent; how good turns into bad, and rationalizes that transformation; how tyranny can grow out of the impulse for security. It’s hard to see beyond the muck of the excruciating dialog, the wooden acting, the terrible direction, but there really were three great movies in there.

Lucas didn’t make those movies, though. He made something else. Something very, very bad.

Update: Clay has just posted a much more reasoned, coherent review of the movie, and all of its multifaceted crappiness. Joanna has a nice entry as well.